Last night, after having just rung in the New Year and finishing the final touches on a writing project that had been plaguing me for months, I forced my little brother to watch my favorite movie with me. He argued that he’d already seen it, a few times, I’d already seen it, many times, and that we’d watched it for my late birthday less than a year ago. I countered with, “It’s a New Year’s movie. We have to.” And thanks to the twenty-one years of conditioning, I won.
I am, after all, the older sister. I get to make these kinds of decisions.
We started the movie a little after midnight, and about halfway in I started to get tired. I’ve had a long week – Christmas, work, my birthday, my birthday again, laundry, the impulsive decision to deep clean my room, and a coworker's impulsive decision to rearrange the back room at work, all wearing me out. But this was my favorite movie dammit! I was going to stay awake. I was going to see it through.
I made it until the last five minutes.
The last thing I remember was seeing Harry Burns try to hail a taxi so he could make it to the Tyler’s New Year’s Eve party and tell Sally Albright he loves her.
And not just that he loves her. Harry loves that she gets “cold when it’s seventy-one degrees out.” He loves “that it takes [her] an hour and a half to order a sandwich.” He loves that she gets “a little crinkle above [her] nose when [she’s] looking at [him] like [he’s] nuts.” That “after [he] spends a day with [her], [he] can still smell [her] perfume on [his] clothes,” and that “[she] is the last person [he] wants to talk to before [he] goes to sleep at night.”
And, as if those weren’t already the most romantic things you’d ever heard, the little shit has the gall to go on. “And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
Jarod may have a point – I’ve seen this movie a lot.
But that isn’t even my favorite part.
My favorite part is the moments afterwards, after this grand proclamation, after this wonderful speech about love and acceptance. My favorite part is Sally's declaration of loathing and frustration at Harry for making it impossible to hate him. It's the gentle smiles that take over their faces as they both succumb to the idea of being happy. It's the kiss they share, one of those magic kind that isn't initiated by one side or the other, but just happens, just is.
It's those final moments, when Harry pulls away, still smiling while “Auld Lang Syne” begins in the background to say, “What does this song mean? My whole life I don’t know what this song means.”
And even though he just completely ruined the moment, Sally isn’t even mad at him. She’s just shaking her head and rolling her eyes with the ghost of a smile still playing at her mouth.
And he keeps talking! “I mean ‘should old acquaintance be forgot’, does that mean that we should forget old acquaintance? Or does that mean that if we happen to forget them, we should remember them? Which is not possible because we already forgot ‘em!”
Then Sally looks up at the ceiling, entertaining Harry’s ramblings for just a moment, and says, “Well maybe it just means we should remember that we forgot them or something.” Then she smiles, laughs, and looks at Harry like he’s worth all the money in the world. “Anyway, it’s about old friends.”
Look at these two. I mean, it's Billy Crystal and I still think he and Meg Ryan are meant to be in this movie. Magic.
That. That’s my favorite part. That’s my favorite line. That’s the moment that sends chills down my spine and makes me feel something I still don’t quite understand.
And I missed it! I completely conked out and the next thing I knew the end credits were rolling.
But it’s okay. I watched it today on YouTube and just like always, chills down the spine. And I’ve listened to Taylor Swift’s “New Year’s Day” like seven times (or more, I don't have to divulge that information). Then I started making a New Year’s playlist and honestly, I haven’t gotten a damn thing done all day.
Except research. I did that. Apparently, auld lang syne literally means “old long since” in Scottish Gaelic, but a more spiritual translation might simply be “old times”. Thus, every year when we sing “For auld lang syne my dear,” we are singing for the sake of old times.
Taylor said something kinda similar…
“Hold onto the memories, they will hold onto you.”
I could go on about the handful of other parallels I found between the two songs, but I’m going to spare you. This time.
I know a lot of people who hate New Year’s, and New Year’s Eve and everything they think it stands for. They hate New Year’s resolutions, and diet culture. They hate the beginning of January. They hate celebrating what to them is just the arbitrary passing of time; what is just another day.
And I get that, really, I do. But I think they’re wrong.
Maybe it’s just a day, but a long time ago we decided to make it special.
When we ring in the New Year, we share a kiss with our dearest. We celebrate the arbitrary things with toasts and parties. We set off fireworks. We sing “Auld Lang Syne”.
The New Year isn’t supposed to be about resolutions to be what society tells us is better. It’s not even supposed to be about looking to the future. We shouldn’t be sluffing off the dirt and grime of the year before and ignoring the scars. We shouldn’t be abandoning our pasts and starting over again. And dammit, if I have to hear someone say “new year, new you” one more time I’m going to scream.
I don’t want a new me. I don’t want a new you. I want all of me. I want all of you. “I want your midnights, but I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day.”
I want the dirt and scars and messy pasts. I want to carry the lessons, the memories, and the people I’ve loved. I want the handprints on my heart, no matter how old, no matter how cold.
I don’t want a New Year about what I have to become.
I want a New Year’s Eve about all that we have been.
And if I have to look forward, if I have to think about tomorrow, please don’t make me do it alone. “Auld Lang Syne” is not about being alone.
It’s about old friends.
